Despite being John F Kennedy 2.0 (or so we’re told), Barack Obama makes a few too many mistakes. And by “mistakes” I don’t mean calling Pennsylvanians desperate voters who cling to guns and religion. I mean actual mistakes. Things that he doesn’t believe in, but inadvertently says or suggests.

For whatever reason, Barack seriously struggles with the locations of his speeches. Last night he did it again, unclear which city in Missouri he was in (hint: there are only two! it’s 50/50, Barack!) Here a few of his recent missteps:

1. Joe Biden will be elected president (interesting)

2. Obama visits 57 states (Heinz varieties or US states…they’re so damn similar!)

2A. Eau Claire, Wisconsin is actually a state…(does this count to the 57 or is it the missing 58th?)

3. Obama’s uncle liberates Auschwitz (actually, Auschwitz was liberated by the Soviets and Obama’s mother never had a brother. So an imaginary uncle joined the Red Army. Somehow, I’m not surprised)

4. Obama on Iraq (Not even Two-Face could make heads or tails of this one)

5. Last night, Obama couldn’t decide if he’s in St. Louis or Kansas City (note: he needs his daughter to ask him what city he is in so he can get his facts right). I’m not sure which I’m more concerned about: Barack taking advice from Michelle or Barack NEEDING advice from a 7 year old.

6. Obama suggests that having a baby is a punishment (Some parents ground their kids. Others use spanking. Barack forces pregnancy)

7. Obama makes myriad “mistakes” and suggests he is not ready to run for president in 2008

I think I finally figured it all out: it’s because his name isn’t really Barack OBAMA. It’s actually: