Happy Friday, y’all!

Even though most of you probably didn’t notice, I am juuuuust arrogant enough to think you wanted to check out this week’s N.E.W. earlier in the day. This site was accidentally re-directing visitors to the American Majority site. In the meantime, I was over at the Bat Cave sifting through this week’s worst of the worst. Without any further ado: SOME DUDE CALLED TO COMPLAIN TO THE COPS THAT HE PAID FOR CRACK HE DIDN’T RECEIVE.

Like all N.E.W.s, here are some thoughts/questions/things keep that keep me up at night:

1. How dumb do you have to be to call the cops? What basic step of human logic is missing that causes one to deduce from “I’m committing a crime” to “I should tell the cops about this”? Did Max Minnefield not think he was committing a crime? Did he think that the cops are more concerned about getting him his 8 dollars back than about a crack problem which has ravaged many low-income neighborhoods throughout the country? Does he understand the value of rhetorical questions regarding his competence?

2. Is it bad that the charges were dropped? The defense attorney’s brilliant defense of “Whether a drug deal went down or not, you can’t prove it. My client doesn’t have any crack on him. We can sit here and argue that he wants crack, but that’s not a crime” deserves some sort of award. Keeping his moron of a client out of jail, a mental ward, or an elementary school is great for him, but bad for society.

Can we legislate stupidity? Does it make me un-American to earnestly want people who haven’t officially committed a crime to be in jail? Shouldn’t people who can’t function in society not be in society? In some cases, they actually can go to jail!

3. Eight dollars? The drug deal gone wrong cost a total of eight dollars. Granted, I know nothing about East Hartford’s drug market (you hear that, mom and dad? I know NOTHING about drugs!), but 8 bucks seems awful cheap. I know that crack is the poor man’s cocaine, but 8 dollars? If a drug habit is so affordable, shouldn’t we all fall off the straight-edge wagon?

Lest we forget, Whitney is too rich to do crack. So don’t go lumping her with those poor folks! If you want to suggest that she does coke, then I guess that goes unchallenged.

This is how bad drug deals are supposed to shake down. No cops needed. Just drugs, money, and some bad background music.