While Americans were busy not paying attention, most of the free world (and some of the less-than-free world) had its eyes trained on Euro Cup 2008. In yesterday’s final, the Spaniards defeated the vaunted German side, 1-0. The game was highly entertaining, even to this admitted nationalist who focuses on American sports. After Spain’s victory, there were massive impromptu celebrations throughout Barcelona, Madrid, and a host of urban areas.

So many Europeans fully invest themselves, and their sense of national dignity, in how well their soccer team performs. Soccer-mania extends beyond Europe, as the African nation of Senegal virtually shut down after a stunning upset in 2002 over soccer goliath, and colonial master, France. Political leaders attend key matches, legitimizing the games as more than just sport. Foreign policy blunders, economic woes, and political scandals are temporarily forgiven in exchange for a victory.

On this side of the Atlantic, most people don’t even know how America performs in international competition. There is minimal enthusiasm, or news coverage, over whether or not America’s men’s basketball team can reclaim Olympic Gold in Beijing. In fact, I’m curious to know how many of my countrymen even know when (or if!) the Olympics will begin.

Despite not taking a single Sociology course, I have a few hunches as to why America seems wholly indifferent to our ability to move an object in a certain direction using certain body parts/accessories:

1. Dude, we’re awesome:

There’s a golden rule of social groups: those at the top don’t like change. Likewise, the United States should avoid national prestige being left up to athletic feats. Instead, let’s stick to what we’re good at: cultural diffusion, economic size, and the ability to destroy the planet in 6.4 seconds. Once we invest ourselves and risk our title as greatest, best country god has ever given man on the face of the Earth we actually might lose it. So pretending that international athletic events are completely irrelevant prevents us from losing anything.

2. 4, 6,8: USA does not preach hate:

Can anyone tell me who the United States’ greatest rival is? The Soviet Union doesn’t exist anymore. The Japanese are now a key trading partner. The Germans are a strong ally. The British haven’t fought with us (tea v. coffee, notwithstanding) since the War of 1812. The Mexicans and Canadians are humorously non-threatening. There simply is no country to root against. Our “rivals” have always been countries which we have tried to destroy. Our geographic and social isolation also means that we don’t have friendly rivalries. The United States is in a category by itself. Without any peers, Americans traditionally don’t favor one country over another.

3. Football, not futbol!

For the past century, America has been a baseball-football-basketball country. NASCAR, golf, tennis, and hockey are on the periphery. Cricket and soccer (for those over the age of ten) are unheard of. The problem is that most countries are die-hard soccer fans and South Asia looooooves its cricket. Baseball and basketball are globalizing very slowly, but are still very much American. If the world cared about its football teams, then maybe Americans can rally behind NFL stars in international tournaments. In the interim, there are no international football competitions. Our national sports are simply ignored by the rest of the globe.

It is quite odd, and disappointing, that in a country which has accomplished so much thanks to competition and rivalry, the public routinely forgoes opportunities to improve nationalism and patriotism.

This summer, prove me wrong. Paint your entire body red, white, and blue. Wrap yourself in the American flag. Actually commit the national anthem to memory. You can only gain bragging rights if you are willing to lose them.

And if the USA doesn’t win, just tell your non-American enemies that your country can destroy theirs before they can say “gold medal”.