I’m going to put this out there: I DON’T WORSHIP JARED FOGLE. The “Subway Guy” became a superstar because he dropped 185 pounds eating low-fat subs? That’s a claim to fame? He was made into a national hero not because he lost a ton of weight, but because he did so at a restaurant which sells to million of customers.

He has more talent than some celebrities, I guess.

Chris Coleson is taking a page out of the How to (NOT) be a Celebrity playbook and announced that he lost 80 pounds eating nearly all of his meals at McDonald’s.

Coleson ate salads, wraps, and apple dippers without the accompanying caramel sauce. Before we get carried away into thinking that you can drop 8 dress sizes eating 3 Big Macs a day, remember that what Coleson ate was not unique McDonald’s fare. You can get fruits, veggies, and wraps at your local grocery store with fresh ingredients at a lower price. The drawback is that you get neither the fanfare nor the crappy toy.

As much I applaud Fogle and Coleson for their will power and successes, let’s not get out the anointing oil. They both dropped a great deal of weight eating in a healthy manner and excercising. Is any of this news? Of course not.

The reason that it is news is because they both used mainstream eateries in their diet plans. Those who want to lose weight quickly will now race to Subway and then complain that eating a foot-long Meatball Marinara with a bag of Frito’s didn’t get the job done. Then they’ll be outraged that eating a caesar salad with all the dressing and fried chicken mixed in didn’t help them fit into their “skinny jeans”.

“It’s a salad! How could it not work?” (Because it has 1,410 calories, nearly a day’s worth. That’s why!)

The only proven way to lose weight (aside from a hardcore drug addiction) is to eat less, eat healthier, and exercise more. Showcasing where they ate only confuses and blurs the issue. If you eat only McDonald’s salads and Subway Turkey subs (hold the mayo), then you will be doing yourself a favor. But the media, and certainly fast food giants, don’t turn a profit elucidating the unpopular specifics. Subway boosted sales 16% the year after the Jared ads started and another 11% the year after that. Call me cynical, but I have a sneaking suspicion Subway’s sales increases weren’t solely due to Veggie subs.

If you want to lose some extra pounds, I sincerely wish you the best of luck. Follow through knowing that the only way to succeed is through hard work and not cutting corners.

Eating Big Macs AND losing weight? No. ‘Effing. Way.

Besides, it just isn’t pragmatic.